Sunday, December 19, 2010

Returning Home?

We received a letter from CYS stating that Mya will be removed from our home to return to her birth mom.  Mya has been a part of our family for almost two years (since she was 9 months old).  The visits with her mom have increased and she is now going on a few overnights each week.  Her behavior has changed.  She cries all the time and says, "Owe!"  but is not able to tell me where it hurts.  She goes to the corner and just stands there facing it for no apparent reason.  She is no longer the happy little carefree girl that we have known.  It breaks my heart as I see her going through this.  I won't speak as much to whether her returning to her mom will be safe for her or not (I hope it is) but more to the whole process.  From day one, though the goal was for Mya to return to parents, CYS has been trying to get the goal changed to adoption and the parent's rights terminated.  We were eventually chosen as the adoptive family and have been expecting this whole time to adopt Mya.  She is a part of our family...the only family she knows.  Now, after all this time and very suddenly, CYS has decided that they have no concerns with Mya returning to her birth mom.  She will be torn from her family to return to a home that, at best, is very unstable.  My heart is aching for her.  I can barely stand it when she is on her visits and she is crying for me over the phone.  How can anyone feel that this is the best thing for Mya?  I've found that over the past couple of months there has been absolutely no consideration by CYS for Mya's feelings.  The whole focus has been on accommodating the birth mom and rushing Mya back.  Right now I am trying to stay positive and help Mya with this transition the best I can.  I just want her to be okay...

12 comments:

  1. I have read your blog for awhile now... found it through Mary's Blog 'Foster Care & Adoption: My Experiences.' I am so sorry that this is happening. Especially that they told you through a letter?? This is every foster-adopt parent's nightmare. Right now our little 4 month old foster babe is getting ready to move to kinship care after being with us since birth which is heart ripping for us. I cannot imagine what it would feel like after 2 years.

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  2. I am so sorry girl! I can not even imagine your heart break. My thoughts and prayers are with you ((hugs))

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  3. Oh, Shannon, I am so sorry to hear about Mya. I will keep you and your sweet family, including Mya in my prayers. It's just a shame that you guys don't get a bigger say in it all. There really should be a cut-off date, like 6 months, that says if the child is not back with their birth parents (emphasis on parentS), then the birth parents have screwed it up and therefore all parental rights are terminated and the child is able to be adopted. I admire your strength, though. I'm not sure that if I was in your shoes if my post would be so calmly put together. We'll pray for you. Take care.

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  4. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Believe me, I am not always calm about it all. It's just that I've reached the point in which there is nothing else I can do so I have to let go and leave it in God's hands. If I don't do that then I will make things worse for Mya and our other children. I'm trying to focus on this being a great Christmas for our family. Merry Christmas to you all!

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  5. Shannon, that is just so hard to hear. I know that you are a fantastic mom. I can't imagine how hard this must be, but you are amazing for doing what must be done - helping Mya transition into a place that is not familiar or warm. Hang in there and have a great Christmas you all totally deserve that!

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  6. My heart aches for you! We have an AWESOME God that STILL performs miracles!!!! He allowed us to keep a foster baby after only having him 2 months!!! Against the State & CASA who really wanted a quick & easy familial placement and NOT his best interest.

    Call out your prayer warriors! (we also hired an attorney)
    Read about it on my blog. Also Footprints had a miracle just this week!
    Praying for you!

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  7. i JUST went through this with my little girl. she went home. i hope very much that God has different plans for your precious girl.

    also, my daughter came home doing those same things. interesting.

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  8. So, so very sorry for you. Just reading your blog brought back my memories of dropping Nevaeh off at the half-way house for overnight visits.

    I will be praying for you because miracles do happen. If you would have told me that just over a year ago Nevaeh's parents would call me and tell me they thought it was in her best interest for her us to adopt her I would have told you were crazy. But thing do change once they start to see how difficult it really is to have a toddler full time.

    I haven't even been able to blog about the times when she was going overnight because I just can't get myself to relive it.

    Hold on my friend. And if you need to talk please email me at homeschoolingmy3sons@gmail.com

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  9. this is TRULY sad. truly! i am praying with you. for god will. for the best interest of your daughter. i am praying!

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  10. NO!!! Sending prayers on Mya's behalf.

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  11. Wow, this is terrible. It must be very frustrating feeling like you're one of the only people that has the little one's best interests in mind.
    You're in my thoughts~

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  12. Thank you all for your comments...I'm sorry I haven't commented until now. I haven't felt like talking to anyone or being very social. It is truly comforting to hear some of your experiences and words of encouragement. We have heard that things aren't going very well with Mya's mom so we are still hopeful that she will come home to us. It is so difficult to put my trust in God sometimes...I fear that my will is different than his but I'm just too emotional to realize it. We asked Mya's caseworker if we could at least visit her last week. The caseworker asked Mya's mom and she refused to let our family see her. At this point we're just taking things a day at a time and keeping Mya in our prayers.

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