Up to this point I've focused a lot on the difficulties we faced (because it was very difficult) but I want to share some of the special things that happened as well. We got our children on November 2nd and we had a timeshare in Virginia for Thanksgiving weekend. I was really sick and told Rob that I didn't think we should go. A six hour drive with three kids was not appealing to me. Rob was pretty adament about going though so I gave in....boy am I glad I did!
I prepared really well. I had snacks, drinks, kid's music and anything else I could think of to make the trip go smoothly. The preperation paid off. Other than the frequent potty breaks, we had a good trip. It was completely new for them. They had never traveled outside of the small town they lived in so leaving our county then state was pretty exciting for them.
We arrived at the timeshare in the evening and it was so fun to see their excitement at "the apartment" we were staying in. They loved it with the exception of a picture that Connor said was stupid. He was only three at the time and quite the art critic. The main bathroom had a huge whirlpool tub that could fit four adults in it. The kids called it the pool. They had just as much fun in that tub as they did at the indoor water park at the resort. It was fun to watch all of them going down the slides and having buckets of water dump down on them. Christian had so much fun being in the warm pool with me. We hadn't seen him smile too much up until that time.
One of the most special moments happened one day leaving the water park. Rob asked, "Who had fun?" and raised his hand and said, "Me!" The rest of the kids followed suit, yes, even Christian. That was the first word we heard him utter.
It was wonderful to get away for a whole week without thinking about their birth father, caseworkers, visits, school...we needed that. It was just us - a family.
I can't think about that trip without feeling an overwhelming joy and gratitude. When asked to write about something special or her favorite thing, Emily still writes about our trip to the water park we took over two years ago. We've taken many other trips since then but that trip was special.
It was the birth of our family.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Friendless?
The most difficult part was the lack of help I had. I am surrounded by great people...so I don't want you to think that it was the fault of others. It was due to the circumstances of our placement. The support system that I had been planning to use was my church family. However, since we went to church with their biological family, we needed to do our best to keep things confidential and to keep things neutral. We didn't want to have any hurt feelings or misunderstandings because of us sharing too much. I'm glad we did that because we were able to continue a good relationship with their family. My mom lives about an hour and a half away but she was pretty much bedridden due to extreme pain in her lower back and hips for the first couple months after we got our children. We found out later that her tailbone was turned backwards. It certainly made things hard on us.
The Wednesday after our children were placed with us I had been dealing with an infected wisdom tooth for two days and had to have it removed. I couldn't leave my kids with anyone so I made the appointment and a dear friend of mine agreed to drive me there and watch Connor and Christian in the waiting room while I had it pulled.
When I got home I went to get Emily from school. Emily's teacher couldn't believe I was out there waiting in the cold after just having my tooth pulled. Every time I met with her she would shake her head and repeat how impressed she was over that. I didn't think anything of it. I was in survival mode and I was pretty tough. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, right?
Thank goodness for Mrs. Miller! I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been Emily's teacher that year. We spent many meetings together with tears streaming down our faces. She is another angel God sent to us. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude when I think back to the understanding and compassion she showed Emily. Emily didn't have a single friend that year except for Mrs. Miller.
Emily wasn't the only one who felt alone that year...
The Wednesday after our children were placed with us I had been dealing with an infected wisdom tooth for two days and had to have it removed. I couldn't leave my kids with anyone so I made the appointment and a dear friend of mine agreed to drive me there and watch Connor and Christian in the waiting room while I had it pulled.
When I got home I went to get Emily from school. Emily's teacher couldn't believe I was out there waiting in the cold after just having my tooth pulled. Every time I met with her she would shake her head and repeat how impressed she was over that. I didn't think anything of it. I was in survival mode and I was pretty tough. The Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle, right?
Thank goodness for Mrs. Miller! I don't know what I would have done if she hadn't been Emily's teacher that year. We spent many meetings together with tears streaming down our faces. She is another angel God sent to us. I'm overwhelmed with gratitude when I think back to the understanding and compassion she showed Emily. Emily didn't have a single friend that year except for Mrs. Miller.
Emily wasn't the only one who felt alone that year...
Monday, March 15, 2010
Headbanger
It was Monday, third day of motherhood, and I was exhausted! We had no toys and a limited number of movies that were kid-friendly. We also were finding there were a lot of behaviors that needed correcting. Lying was a constant thing with them. Even for the simplest question, Emily would pause and think about how she was going to answer. Her thought bubble would have read, "What should I make up in order to get the result I want"? That was the first thing we tackled because I believe without honesty there is nothing to build on. We told the kids that if they did something wrong they would go to timeout but if they did something wrong and lied about it they would go to timeout and lose priviledges. It didn't take long for them to figure out that honesty was the best policy.
Another challenge was the boys' destructive behavior. Connor thought it was a lot of fun to run full speed with his head into the wall and to drag his face on the carpet until he had rug burn. Christian (who still had not uttered a single sound) was into everything. He pulled everything from every drawer within his reach and then he took apart anything that was possible to be taken apart (he is still very good at taking things apart and putting things together). I felt like my life was nothing but putting kids in timeout. It was tiresome and monotonous but we knew that we had to let them know right away what was and was not acceptable.
That day I took Emily to school and got her enrolled. She was very behind. She was in the first grade but couldn't count to ten properly and didn't know her sounds. This was very difficult for her since the homework that was being sent home was addition and she was expected to read by then. This was an ongoing struggle we faced with her. The most difficult thing to handle though was Emily's social behaviors. She did odd things like suddenly whaling at the top of her lungs. She would make rude comments about people in a voice loud enough for them to hear. She was also obsessive about meals. Every night she would ask me about breakfast...Were we going to have it? What were we going to have? Before she'd leave for school she would be asking me about lunch and dinner. She was so worried that I was going to forget to feed them.
I was dressing Christian's burn every morning and night. I can only imagine how painful it was for him. I can still see the pain and fear in his eyes but not a sound from him. It was haunting and heartbreaking. I remember how thankful I was to finally hear him cry after he'd been with us for about a week. I could tell that he had learned to survive by not being noticed.
Despite these behaviors and all my concerns, I knew that they would be fine. They just needed to be loved and cared for. They needed structure and they needed to know they had a home with us and that they were safe. This doesn't mean that I wasn't scared out of my mind though.
Another challenge was the boys' destructive behavior. Connor thought it was a lot of fun to run full speed with his head into the wall and to drag his face on the carpet until he had rug burn. Christian (who still had not uttered a single sound) was into everything. He pulled everything from every drawer within his reach and then he took apart anything that was possible to be taken apart (he is still very good at taking things apart and putting things together). I felt like my life was nothing but putting kids in timeout. It was tiresome and monotonous but we knew that we had to let them know right away what was and was not acceptable.
That day I took Emily to school and got her enrolled. She was very behind. She was in the first grade but couldn't count to ten properly and didn't know her sounds. This was very difficult for her since the homework that was being sent home was addition and she was expected to read by then. This was an ongoing struggle we faced with her. The most difficult thing to handle though was Emily's social behaviors. She did odd things like suddenly whaling at the top of her lungs. She would make rude comments about people in a voice loud enough for them to hear. She was also obsessive about meals. Every night she would ask me about breakfast...Were we going to have it? What were we going to have? Before she'd leave for school she would be asking me about lunch and dinner. She was so worried that I was going to forget to feed them.
I was dressing Christian's burn every morning and night. I can only imagine how painful it was for him. I can still see the pain and fear in his eyes but not a sound from him. It was haunting and heartbreaking. I remember how thankful I was to finally hear him cry after he'd been with us for about a week. I could tell that he had learned to survive by not being noticed.
Despite these behaviors and all my concerns, I knew that they would be fine. They just needed to be loved and cared for. They needed structure and they needed to know they had a home with us and that they were safe. This doesn't mean that I wasn't scared out of my mind though.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
One Big Family
I did mention that our children's last name was the same as some people we went to church with, right? We had spent some time wondering if they were related and how they might be related. We didn't have to wonder for very long.
Our first Sunday was so exciting for me. There is just something special about being able to go to church with your family and this was the first time our family included children. We drove into the church parking lot and almost right away Emily said, "I've been here before with my Grandma! There's her car!" We walked into the chapel and their biological relatives (three pews full) all turned to look at us.
After the meeting, our children's great-grandparents told us they knew the children were going to be going into foster care and that they had been praying they would go to a good home. They told us how God had answered their prayers and how happy they were that the children were with us.
When I heard this, I was overwhelmed by how much our Heavenly Father loves us and amazed by the miracles he sends us. We knew then why we had to move to Pittsburgh, why we decided to buy a home in Beaver County, why we had become foster parents. God knew all along that they were our children just waiting for us to come for them.
Our first Sunday was so exciting for me. There is just something special about being able to go to church with your family and this was the first time our family included children. We drove into the church parking lot and almost right away Emily said, "I've been here before with my Grandma! There's her car!" We walked into the chapel and their biological relatives (three pews full) all turned to look at us.
After the meeting, our children's great-grandparents told us they knew the children were going to be going into foster care and that they had been praying they would go to a good home. They told us how God had answered their prayers and how happy they were that the children were with us.
When I heard this, I was overwhelmed by how much our Heavenly Father loves us and amazed by the miracles he sends us. We knew then why we had to move to Pittsburgh, why we decided to buy a home in Beaver County, why we had become foster parents. God knew all along that they were our children just waiting for us to come for them.
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