Showing posts with label foster parent. Show all posts
Showing posts with label foster parent. Show all posts
Friday, March 25, 2011
Brave Face
Once again, the judge has chosen to leave Mya in her birth mother's home. CYS is still involved so there is still the possibility she could return to us. It's difficult but in reality I struggle with her being gone everyday so today is really not so special. Even when it hurts I just put on my brave face and try to pretend that everything is okay. Perhaps I'm fooling other people but I think I'm really trying to fool myself.
Rollercoaster
I just received a call from our caseworker saying that Mya's hearing is this morning. She could be back with us by this evening. Please remember our family in your prayers today.
How do we as foster parents endure this rollercoaster of emotions? I think it's because that same heart, that aches within each of us, tells us we must.
How do we as foster parents endure this rollercoaster of emotions? I think it's because that same heart, that aches within each of us, tells us we must.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
One Big Family
I did mention that our children's last name was the same as some people we went to church with, right? We had spent some time wondering if they were related and how they might be related. We didn't have to wonder for very long.
Our first Sunday was so exciting for me. There is just something special about being able to go to church with your family and this was the first time our family included children. We drove into the church parking lot and almost right away Emily said, "I've been here before with my Grandma! There's her car!" We walked into the chapel and their biological relatives (three pews full) all turned to look at us.
After the meeting, our children's great-grandparents told us they knew the children were going to be going into foster care and that they had been praying they would go to a good home. They told us how God had answered their prayers and how happy they were that the children were with us.
When I heard this, I was overwhelmed by how much our Heavenly Father loves us and amazed by the miracles he sends us. We knew then why we had to move to Pittsburgh, why we decided to buy a home in Beaver County, why we had become foster parents. God knew all along that they were our children just waiting for us to come for them.
Our first Sunday was so exciting for me. There is just something special about being able to go to church with your family and this was the first time our family included children. We drove into the church parking lot and almost right away Emily said, "I've been here before with my Grandma! There's her car!" We walked into the chapel and their biological relatives (three pews full) all turned to look at us.
After the meeting, our children's great-grandparents told us they knew the children were going to be going into foster care and that they had been praying they would go to a good home. They told us how God had answered their prayers and how happy they were that the children were with us.
When I heard this, I was overwhelmed by how much our Heavenly Father loves us and amazed by the miracles he sends us. We knew then why we had to move to Pittsburgh, why we decided to buy a home in Beaver County, why we had become foster parents. God knew all along that they were our children just waiting for us to come for them.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
The Phone Call
When we were approved as foster parents we were told that it may take a few weeks to several months before we would have a placement and that they would most likely start us out with some respites (which consists of caring for a foster child over a short period of time while their foster parents may go on vacation or may just need a break). We figured after several weeks we might have a child placed with us.
The phone call came two days after we were approved as foster parents. I was visiting my parents who live about an hour and a half away from me. A caseworker from CYS asked us if we would be willing to take a sibling group of three children. I told him I would have to speak with my husband before I could agree to it. I was a little concerned about being able to take care of three children but Rob said that he felt good about it. I let CYS know that we would take them. This was at about 3:00pm and they needed me to pick them up by 5:00 or as soon as I could make it back. I remember shaking because I was so anxious and I couldn't think clearly.
Rob and I met at CYS. We were lead to a room with a large conference table and several caseworkers inside. They had a few stacks of paperwork that we started going through and signing. We were amazed when we recognized the last name of the children. We went to church with people having the same name. We wondered if they were somehow related and figured we would find out on Sunday.
My heart leaps when I think back to the moment I first saw my children. I could tell they were worried about what would happen to them but at the same time I was a little surprised by how well they responded to us.
Emily (7) was softly crying. She came up to me and said, "My mom is dead." I hugged her and told her I was sorry. She stopped crying right away. I still have the striped sweater she was wearing that day.
Connor (3) was laughing and hyper (something he does when he is worried or nervous). He was very friendly and outgoing and very easy to like.
Christian (1) was so small for his age and he just slumped over and shrunk from anyone seeing him. He wouldn't look at anyone and kept his head down. He had a second degree burn the size of a softball on his stomach. He didn't make a sound.
The phone call came two days after we were approved as foster parents. I was visiting my parents who live about an hour and a half away from me. A caseworker from CYS asked us if we would be willing to take a sibling group of three children. I told him I would have to speak with my husband before I could agree to it. I was a little concerned about being able to take care of three children but Rob said that he felt good about it. I let CYS know that we would take them. This was at about 3:00pm and they needed me to pick them up by 5:00 or as soon as I could make it back. I remember shaking because I was so anxious and I couldn't think clearly.
Rob and I met at CYS. We were lead to a room with a large conference table and several caseworkers inside. They had a few stacks of paperwork that we started going through and signing. We were amazed when we recognized the last name of the children. We went to church with people having the same name. We wondered if they were somehow related and figured we would find out on Sunday.
My heart leaps when I think back to the moment I first saw my children. I could tell they were worried about what would happen to them but at the same time I was a little surprised by how well they responded to us.
Emily (7) was softly crying. She came up to me and said, "My mom is dead." I hugged her and told her I was sorry. She stopped crying right away. I still have the striped sweater she was wearing that day.
Connor (3) was laughing and hyper (something he does when he is worried or nervous). He was very friendly and outgoing and very easy to like.
Christian (1) was so small for his age and he just slumped over and shrunk from anyone seeing him. He wouldn't look at anyone and kept his head down. He had a second degree burn the size of a softball on his stomach. He didn't make a sound.
This was our first meeting. We left CYS a little after 6:00 with three children who had nothing but the clothes on their backs. We took them to Burger King to eat where Christian threw up. The poor thing was suffering so much. We then went to Walmart to get some things that would be needed (pajamas, underwear, toothbrushes, clothing, diapers, etc.)
On the way home, Emily rode with me in the car. I told her that she could call us mom and dad if she wanted but that she didn't have to and that we could come up with something else for her to call us if she wanted. She thought about it for a moment and then said that she would like to call us mommy and daddy.
I am a mom...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
It All Started...
Rob and I had been married a little over five years and had already lived in three different states and six different homes. We had struggled as most young couples do while adjusting to married life. But one of the trials I never thought I would go through was being childless. You see, I come from a family of eight children and Rob from a family of six children. I just thought that I would decide how many children I could handle and they would come. Obviously that didn't happen.
It was especially hard for me. I didn't know how to identify myself. My mom was a wife but foremost she was a mother. I had no idea how to separate the two. I shared how I felt with Rob but, like most men, he couldn't even begin to comprehend what I was going through. I felt inadequate and alone.
We had been living in Colonial Beach, Virginia for three years when I had an undeniable prompting that we needed to move. Rob thought I was a little crazy but said he'd experienced enough to know that we should follow my "intuition". It really didn't make any sense to move. Rob had a stable job working for the Department of Defense, we owned a home we were remodeling, and had some great friends there. At first we didn't know where to go but we finally decided to try Pittsburgh, PA. Just four weeks after beginning the job search we had obtained employment for Rob and had already moved to Pittsburgh.
Things were good for us but we still felt a void in our lives. It's amazing how difficult it is to make friends with other couples or be involved when you don't have children. I'm sure in some circles this wouldn't be a problem but Rob and I are devout Latter-day Saints (Mormons). In our faith, family is the most important thing. It is not a question of if you will have children but of when you will have them. We were definitely the exception among our acquaintances and friends.
In the Spring of 2006 we decided to try IUT (Artificial Insemination). This involved invasive examinations, daily shots of strong hormones, and a slight loss of dignity. The hormones made me very ill and moody (Rob might have used a different word for this). The day of insemination came and as the doctor was taking care of business she told Rob and I to look into each others eyes. Perhaps for some it may feel like a magical moment but for me her saying that just added to the humiliation. Who are we kidding? It was a medical procedure not a special intimate moment. Maybe I would feel differently about that moment if we had been successful in conceiving but a month later I felt the bitter sting of disappointment. Actually heartbreak would be a better description of what I felt. Rob wanted to try again but I just couldn't go through it again. I was ill from messing with my hormones and emotionally drained. We decided at that point that we would have to complete our family in a different way.
Choosing to adopt is not an easy decision. It's one thing for God to bless you with a "child of your own" but to convince yourself that you are ready and acceptable to parent "another person's child" was difficult for me. Not only did I have to convince myself but we also had to convince an adoption agency and an expectant mother. We all know that an expectant mother and agency are much more discriminating than God. God doesn't care what your income is, what kind of home you live in, what you look like or how much education you have but if you want to adopt then you better shine in all those areas. We also considered becoming foster parents but had obvious concerns about doing that. We came to realize that whichever we chose there was a risk of heartbreak. I've summed this up in a paragraph but it was a decision that took us many months to make.
October 30, 2007 we became foster parents. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
It was especially hard for me. I didn't know how to identify myself. My mom was a wife but foremost she was a mother. I had no idea how to separate the two. I shared how I felt with Rob but, like most men, he couldn't even begin to comprehend what I was going through. I felt inadequate and alone.
We had been living in Colonial Beach, Virginia for three years when I had an undeniable prompting that we needed to move. Rob thought I was a little crazy but said he'd experienced enough to know that we should follow my "intuition". It really didn't make any sense to move. Rob had a stable job working for the Department of Defense, we owned a home we were remodeling, and had some great friends there. At first we didn't know where to go but we finally decided to try Pittsburgh, PA. Just four weeks after beginning the job search we had obtained employment for Rob and had already moved to Pittsburgh.
Things were good for us but we still felt a void in our lives. It's amazing how difficult it is to make friends with other couples or be involved when you don't have children. I'm sure in some circles this wouldn't be a problem but Rob and I are devout Latter-day Saints (Mormons). In our faith, family is the most important thing. It is not a question of if you will have children but of when you will have them. We were definitely the exception among our acquaintances and friends.
In the Spring of 2006 we decided to try IUT (Artificial Insemination). This involved invasive examinations, daily shots of strong hormones, and a slight loss of dignity. The hormones made me very ill and moody (Rob might have used a different word for this). The day of insemination came and as the doctor was taking care of business she told Rob and I to look into each others eyes. Perhaps for some it may feel like a magical moment but for me her saying that just added to the humiliation. Who are we kidding? It was a medical procedure not a special intimate moment. Maybe I would feel differently about that moment if we had been successful in conceiving but a month later I felt the bitter sting of disappointment. Actually heartbreak would be a better description of what I felt. Rob wanted to try again but I just couldn't go through it again. I was ill from messing with my hormones and emotionally drained. We decided at that point that we would have to complete our family in a different way.
Choosing to adopt is not an easy decision. It's one thing for God to bless you with a "child of your own" but to convince yourself that you are ready and acceptable to parent "another person's child" was difficult for me. Not only did I have to convince myself but we also had to convince an adoption agency and an expectant mother. We all know that an expectant mother and agency are much more discriminating than God. God doesn't care what your income is, what kind of home you live in, what you look like or how much education you have but if you want to adopt then you better shine in all those areas. We also considered becoming foster parents but had obvious concerns about doing that. We came to realize that whichever we chose there was a risk of heartbreak. I've summed this up in a paragraph but it was a decision that took us many months to make.
October 30, 2007 we became foster parents. We had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.
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